You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
