I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
soo... how was my night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
