Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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