the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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