I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
