please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
