I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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