What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
