Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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