No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
