I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also, beer. Big fan.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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