dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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