at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize