i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
