I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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