have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
