when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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