Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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