Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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