At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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