i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
