Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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