If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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