Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
