you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
