We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
