Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
not ubering you a puppy
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