question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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