He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize