I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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