Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
