11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I want is dick and wine.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
