Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
