we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
