I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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