I just made out with a guy for $7.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
