I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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