i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
