Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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