My underwear smells like fireworks.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
