Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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