I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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