a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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