I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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