hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
tell me about the fingering
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
