tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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