Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
