A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The ass gains better be worth it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize