Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
