OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize