it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
