i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
