i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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