it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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