We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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