we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
