sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
