drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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