so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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