my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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