I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
