I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize