If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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