She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize