I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
