I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
