you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
