I want to make a zoo with you.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
