That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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