apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
