how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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