I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
