Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize