my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
