lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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