i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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