she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
