So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize