So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
